3 Words "Spring Break...Cabo"

Lately all I have had time for was "Legally Blonde" practice I didn't even really have enough time to get ready for and to recuperate from Prom which explains my complete lack of energy this morning.  I really am enjoying doing the play since I haven't done one in so long I guess I just wish there was some way to do the play and have time...maybe if I had more than 24 hours to sleep, eat, go to school, practice, do homework and finish these God forsaken projects.  I guess I just needed to vent because the play will be over by the end of the weekend and I'm just extremely tired.  Have a great day!

I wish I could say you were making me famous

My mother and I were arguing this morning.  She was talking about how I have lost friends, not gained them, in my high school career.  Our argument made me realize, and I know I can't blame all of it on others, but a lot of the friends that I have lost have been people that have talked poorly about me or just been mean.  Then I realized, freshman year I would have come up with a witty comeback for the rumor spreaders but now I don't even have the power to say that line "Keep talking about me.  You are making me famous."  At this point I can't fix the idiocy that is high school so I thought I'd write about it instead.

Drama

I don't understand High School girls.  I realize that I am still a high school girl however I do like to believe I try to stay away from the petty silly stuff.  Last night I got on facebook for the first time in weeks just to see what was going on and I was greeted with a comment that I was deeply offended by.  I was just going to let it go but I decided to text the girl and find out what she was talking about.  She outwardly accused me of passing advances at her boyfriend.  I have a boyfriend of my own who is in my class when I have the only interaction that I ever do with her boyfriend.  I was offended and I'm not completely sure why.  When a girl calls me a slut, a bitch, or spreads other nasty rumors about me I don't mind nearly as much as when a girl tells me that I am unhappy in my relationship so much that I would go after hers. I guess I just needed to vent about it.

The end of life as we know it

My boyfriend and I are expecting as you already know.  I can't help but wonder...is this the end of life as we know it? College? that'll be a no go.  Crazy 21st Birthday Party? I don't think so. Most any of the fun stuff that my friends will be experiencing I won't be there for and I can't help but wonder...am I even making the right choice? I mean of course abortion is never an option but maybe adoption is...and then I got on Twitter.  Wouldn't you know it the trending topic among my friends was #tomyunbornchild and then it hit me.  This child didn't ask to be born it didn't get to choose the life it was given, none of us do, and for me to take the easy way out...that's selfish.  I realized that not only was I going to be a mother but I was going to love that child and I was going to give that child the best life that I possibly could because even so that little baby growing inside me didn't request a teenage mother just shy of college that's what the baby was dealt and so I was going to try and make up for it the best I can.  My friends have told me before that they think I will be a good mother, honestly, I'm not so sure but I'm sure as hell going to try.

Mental Events vs. External Actions

"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I took a test today in AP Literature and it made me realize that not only does the dynamic relationship between Mental Events and External Actions exsist in works by Shakespeare but the relationship also exsists in everyday life.  In Hamlet we are able to see the character of Hamlet grow and mature through the things that he thinks and the events that he plays out in his mind, we also see those results in the way he interacts with people and the decisions that he makes.  I know that people are always growing, learning and maturing but I've noticed today that there is a distinct relationship between what goes on inside someone's head and what they do in everyday life.  Someone can talk with the utmost confidence and maturity and lead an entire nation through a depression and build up their army, however, it is when they use their power to attempt to wipe out an entire population that you see who they truely are and what they are truely made of.  I can tell you all I want that I am mature for my age, I can talk to you about medicine and politics and I can talk about my experiences and who they have made me, but don't take my word on it let me show you who I really am. Don't judge people by what they say, whether it is a good or bad judgement, let them show you how mature, how kind, and how smart they really are.  All to often we let people tell us what they want to about themselves and I am realizing that maybe it is time that instead we let people show us, because that is when you see what they are really made of.  What people do in their everyday lives is who they really are.  So be yourself and be the best self that you can possibly be.

1 Month Down Approximately 8 More to go

I've been very scared lately... I haven't gotten a period and pregnancy tests have that evil little + where the - should be... how am I supposed to be allowed to go to Marshall University in West Virginia 8 hours away if there is a baby joining us in September or October... Aaron knows and he claims he is ecstatic... I don't know if I can handle all of this excitement right now and quite frankly I'm not sure if I want to... I  am going to have to jeopardize my future to get where I need to be with this baby I guess... I hope Aaron knows that I love him and I need him more than ever right now and that we will get through it together... Thanks for listening anyway guys....

Call Backs!

I tried out for a play at school yesterday "Legally Blond: the Musical" and I finally got a call back, first one ever.  I should be so much more excited than I am but maybe that will come.  Anyway, I sang "The Only Exception" by Paramore and I felt really good about it.  This is the first time that I have felt really good about something that I have done artistically in a long time.  Normally when I do something artistically I feel like its crap or that I'll never be good enough and then I don't get the part or a call back even which doesn't help my low self esteem at all.  Which is why this time I went in thinking that there was no way I was going to get the part anyway so I have no reason to be nervous.  I was going to sing "Not That Girl" from Wicked until I asked my wonderful friend Shane Smith what he thought that I should do and he suggested that song and I am so grateful.  I feel like I did really well and  I am really proud of myself who knows I may even actually go out for the talent show this year, but if I do, I know I will have to sing that song again because it fit my voice so well. Callbacks seem like such a great feat right now maybe next it will actually be getting the role.  One can only hope <3